Natasha's Nightmares
by keepcalmandwrite
Summary: "Natasha woke up, her cheeks were wet and at first she thought it might be blood but then she realised it was tears. The Black Widow didn't cry. It was as simple as that, like gravity it was a law." Natasha's suffering from her past can Tony, Thor, Clint, Steve, Bruce and Pepper fix her in time? Please read and review! DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I will continue this and include the other avengers each helping Natasha out but I don't know if I should, so one-shot or not? Reviews would be amazing and much appreciated! **

Natasha woke up, her cheeks were wet and at first she thought it might be blood but then she realised it was tears. The Black Widow didn't cry. It was as simple as that, like gravity it was a law. She sat up and tried to control her erratic breathing and stop her shaking hands.

She remembered the nightmare vividly, she thought about the fire, watching her parent's burn to death, their blood curling screams, not being able to help them. It had moved on then to when she was being trained by The Red Room to become the ultimate killer, the torture they put her through, mentally, physically and when she was a little older, sexually.

The saddest thing about all of this was that for most people nightmares were imaginary and as real as they might feel they were figments of imagination, possibly based on previous experiences but never hundred per cent real. Natasha's nightmares though were memories, things she had suffered through, and it haunted her.

Images still flashing through her mind, Natasha rose shakily from her bed and headed for the door. She drifted out into the corridor, her footsteps silent so as not to wake the others whose rooms were situated along the hallway. She stopped once she reached the kitchen, realising she had no clue what her next step was.

She thought about drinking a bottle of expensive Russian vodka but decided against it, instead walking slowly towards the one place she found solace, the gym.

Once she had changed into her shorts and tank top (she kept spare clothes down there for reasons like this) she stalked towards the punching bags, and began to hit and kick repeatedly, over and over again. All her pent up frustration being unleashed on the poor defenceless bag, ironically it reminded her of all those innocent people she killed; she didn't give a shit right now.

She worked her way around the gym doing various activities, it wasn't enough. Now Natasha felt emotionally and physically drained, maybe the vodka was a good idea. As soon as that thought sprang in her mind she immediately went back to the punching bags, she wouldn't drink her problems away, not tonight anyway.

So caught up in what she was doing she didn't realise she was being watched by none other than Tony Stark. He silently observed her, the pain evident in her face; he had heard her screaming earlier while she was in her room. No-one else did, or if they had they knew it was nightmares like he did and left her alone, much to their own anguish.

The first time she had had a nightmare Steve went in with his shield ready to attack, but realising what was really wrong he had tried to wake her up it resulted in a broken nose and wrist with an almost snapped neck, huh Captain America got beaten up pretty bad that night. Consequently no-one woke her up if they heard her screaming, they just listened, and they all hated it.

So when Tony had heard her exit her room he followed soon afterwards, but she was so distracted she didn't even notice, he knew it was bad.

Over the course of the three weeks that they had all been living together at Avengers Tower (previously known as Stark Tower) Natasha hadn't really opened up to any of them, when everyone had sat around and shared their past storied Natasha refused, and when Tony –being Tony- pressured her she ended up stalking out the room, they didn't see her again for two days.

Although Tony would never admit this, he loved Natasha, in a very platonic way. And would do anything to make her feel better, therefore when he heard her scream at night or enter the kitchen in the morning looking exhausted, it felt physically painful to him, and he knew the others felt the same.

"Hey Natashalie" Tony began, he coughed before he spoke so he didn't freak out the assassin to bad, she still spun round taking a defensive stance, she relaxed when it registered that it was just Stark.

"What do you want Tony" Natasha replied bluntly, she wasn't in the mood for games; she was sleepy, but afraid to shut her eyes. Before Tony could respond she sank to the floor her back sliding against the wall on the way down. He swiftly walked over to her and crouched down in front of her, speaking softly

"Natasha you need to get to bed, look I'll carry you, but you have to sleep"

"No Tony, I can't the nightmares will come back and I just can't face them…I can't…." she trailed off. To Tony's shock he seen tears swim in her eyes, this was so unlike the calm, cool, collected Natashalie her knew. He also knew this was the only time she would open up to someone, and he was the only someone there so, he just gently scooped her up, surprised at how light she was and carried her back through to the main living area.

He placed the assassin on the sofa while grabbing the nearest source of warmth he could find, it turned out to be Thor's hoodie, it covered most of Natasha's tiny frame though. After he drooped it over her he sat next to her not wanting to push her limits.

"Don't think Nat, just say it, tell me the nightmares as much or as little as you want, I'm staying right here" he didn't really think she would, in fact he half expected her to just hit him and walk away but instead she sighed sadly and mumbled.

"When I was six some big men broke into mine and my parents' house, they dragged me out of bed and pulled me downstairs. One of them held me while they hit my parents repeatedly until they shot my mother in the head, but left my father alive but he couldn't move, then they set fire to her body and then him, making me listen to his screams, I don't remember much after that" Tony didn't react yet not wanting to disrupt her, but he was in shock at hearing that. "They took me to an organisation called The Red Room, where they mould young girls into killers, they would torture you if you didn't do exactly as they said, in any way they could physically, mentally and sexually, it was hell. At the end of the training the remaining girls who hadn't been killed would fight to the death until the last girl was the Black Widow. I became the Black Widow at 16. You would then continue on any jobs they told you to do, I killed so many innocent people"

After that sentence she just stopped speaking, Tony pulled her against him, just wanting to provide the comfort she so desperately needed, she excepted it burying her face into his chest shaking as he fought the urge to track down those people who did that to her and kill each one, slowly.

Eventually Natasha and Tony both calmed down but neither wanted to move so Tony just lay down on the spacious couch and Natasha curled up into his side, him placing an arm around her protectively. They both quickly shut their eyes. To Natasha's shock the images she had seen before had faded away and feeling Tony next to her slowed her breathing. Tony probably would have freaked out and angrily hit some stuff if he didn't notice that Natasha seemed to have fallen asleep, focusing on the thought that he'd helped her he soon tumbled into unconsciousness, both sleeping dreamless sleeps.

The next morning Steve, Thor, Clint, Bruce and Pepper all stood over the two sleeping Avengers. It was obvious that it was only a platonic relationship in which they lay. All of them relieved that somehow Tony had gotten Natasha to sleep properly as she hadn't for about three days now, they had all heard her screaming last night and hated the fact they couldn't do anything.

With this thought circling their heads, Thor carefully picked Natasha up and took her to her room for a proper bed leaving his hoodie on her, she remained unconscious the exhaustion finally caught up with her.

Tony though opened his eyes and grinned at the others but they noticed a lingering sadness in his eyes as he watched Thor carry Natasha, that's about when they all agreed that in their own ways they would help Natasha get better, no matter what it took she was after all a member of their family.

**Review please…. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N this chapter is mainly Thor and Natasha, enjoy, please review it makes me happy **

**WARNING: contains past references of rape, no details. **

Thor stood gulping back coffee in the Avengers kitchen, watching Steve write reports for Shield seeing as no-one else bothered and half listening to Bruce and Tony's scientific but at the same time stupid conversation. Pepper entered then, her hair pulled tightly back looking clean and fresh she smiled warmly at Thor as she passed grabbing a mug and pouring some tea.

"Aren't Natasha and Clint meant to be back by now?" Pepper asked, her question hung heavily in the room until Bruce answered

"Yeah but sometimes it takes them longer than expected right?"

"Shield haven't told us of anything going wrong, so don't fret yet" Steve added always the one offering comfort

"Do we even know where they went" Thor questioned glancing around the room

"I think Fury mentioned something about Paris-"Steve replied before being cut off by Tony

"OH our two assassins in the city of love, now I know why they're late" he chuckled as Pepper smacked him, Bruce tried to conceal a smirk, Thor laughed heartily and Steve blushed a furious shade of red. Thinking this Tony's thoughts reeled back to Natasha, it had been a week since they had fallen asleep together and he had learnt more about the woman that night than he had over the whole month they'd been living together.

Natasha had looked lots better for the following five days but the screaming at night started soon afterwards, he had not tried to meet up with her again at night because he knew if she wanted to see him he would know about it; however he still worried for his Natashalie as he knew the others did as well. Just as a frown began to appear on his face Jarvis spoke up

"Sir, Mr Barton and Miss Romanoff are in the elevator heading towards this floor currently"

"Are either of them injured Jarvis?" he replied, he saw the tension in the others as he asked his question

"Not that I am aware of but I do not believe they are in the best of moods sir" he electronic butler then silenced as the elevator doors opened.

Clint stood with his shoulders slumped and his eyes downcast as he lightly limped towards them, he was wearing his Shield uniform that was covered in dirt. Natasha was wearing a fitted black dress that hit above her knees, even in her battered state she was beautiful, she carried her heels in her hand and seemed…angry? Maybe sad?

She walked swiftly forward only giving them a small glance as she swept by, as she passed, Thor noticed bruising down her arms and a cut on her lip, the others obviously noticed this too.

"Nat are you ok-"Steve began but was cut off the second time that day but by Natasha this time

"I'm fine Steve" although her reply was curt her voice sounded more tired that annoyed, and Thor had a sudden urge to go and hug her, he knew that would result in him having a gun pointed at his head so he resisted.

She headed straight towards her room and they heard the shower turned on straight away. Clint though stayed with them, waiting for their interrogation to begin, it quickly did

"What happened?" Bruce asked

"Is Nat ok, are you?" Pepper questioned

"What took you so long?" Steve added

"Did you have sex?" Tony blurted out, everyone stared at him, Clint just grimaced and said

"It just brought back some memories for Natasha that's all and I'm ok, it went slightly wrong but we handled it so it took a little longer than we estimated and no Tony we did not have sex" Tony had suddenly turned serious he stood and began walking towards Natasha's room, only to be stopped by Clint who shook his head "I don't know how much she told you Tony but leave her, she needs her time think things through and calm down"

Although Tony didn't seemed pleased about that he just started towards his lab giving Pepper a kiss on the cheek as he passed his face still slightly concerned. Bruce and Steve followed soon after deep in conversation, Pepper had already left for work and Clint had headed to his room. Thor was left alone, so he placed pop tarts in the toaster and sat down reaching for another cup of coffee.

**LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK**

That evening the Avengers decided to watch a movie together seeing as Pepper left work early that night, but when Thor had spotted Natasha curled up in the far corner of the couch in the empty living room earlier that day, he doubted she would agree to it. He was right

"Hello Lady Natasha tonight everybody is going to watch a movie would you like to join us, I believe we are watching something called The Wizard of Oz" she had turned to face him, he was shocked at how tiny she looked lying in a ball on the couch by herself.

"No thank you Thor, I would rather be alone" she answered smiling sadly before uncurling herself and padding off down the hall. Thor felt a bitter disappointment settle in his stomach which remained there as the others filed in.

"Where's Natashalie?" Tony asked looking at Thor's saddened face

"She wished to be alone tonight" he replied, Tony and Steve looked like they wanted to argue further, only because they wanted her to feel better, but Pepper spoke before they could

"I've already told her she can come join us any time she wants, so if she wants to be alone just let her be, for now at least" so with those wise words the rest of the group settled down to watch the film. Thor and Steve each on their own couch, Bruce in a leather recliner and Tony and Pepper on their sofa, Clint sat on the love seat by himself missing the warmth of his partners body next to his.

When the movie ended everybody decided to go to bed except Thor who remained in the living room while the others headed off. He decided he wanted some fresh are so he headed up to the roof, when he walked out of the elevator he seen Natasha perched on the edge of the building looking at the people below.

"Lady Natasha do you wish me to leave, I did not realise anyone else was up here" Thor asked not wanting to invade her space, but secretly hoping she'd ask him to stay.

"No Thor its fine, stay. I was starting to get lonely anyway" when she turned around to face Thor, she seen his open and caring face she decided she would let her guard down this once, she trusted him. Thor noticed the way after she had stared at him for a while, her shoulders slumped and her eyes seemed darker, her mask had fallen away, she was inviting him in.

"Natasha why did you come back from your earlier mission with the Hawk so distressed" he decided it was easier to just ask straight away, Natasha appreciated this so she answered truthfully

"It made me remember things from my past, people from my past" she explained sighing

"What things did it remind you off, please explain to me, I will listen" Thor answered, he moved to sit next to her on the edge, noticing her shiver he placed his jacket over her shoulders, in return she rested her head on his shoulder.

"You know I was taken when I was younger and trained to become a killer, well one of the things I had to do was a lot of was sex, it was never consensual, but I didn't have a choice. Usually it would be for missions to get answers, but sometimes…sometimes it's just because they wanted me. I can remember their hands, I can still feel them" she shuddered but not from the cold.

Thor wrapped his massive arm around her waist, he was livid, how dare they, how dare they do that to her, those bastards. He knew though now was not the time to behave irrationally so he tried to remain calm for her sake.

"Anyway on the mission I had to seduce the target for information, Shield would never make me have sex with them, thank god, but he was onto us and it got further before we could stop it" she looked up at his face full of horror and rage. "Not that far, don't worry Thor but far enough to remind me…I can still feel them. That's why I went straight to the shower; I wanted to get the feel of their hands of me, the ones from tonight and my past but they're still here" she looked so desperate Thor was sure he heard his heart crack.

"Natasha you once said to me that you loved the rain because it made you feel fresh and alive, but now you currently feel like you aren't clean, right?" he kept his voce steady as he could

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?" she answered confused now, but Thor just stood up and pulled her up with him, he took his jacket off her shoulders and placed it under shelter.

"I can make it rain Natasha" he said as thunder clouds rolled together above them, she understood now, light returned to her eyes as she kicked her shoes off, he did the same, then the rain began. It was small droplets but lots of them, she could feel them rolling off her skin taking the feel of their hands with them, she grinned, properly.

Thor started splashing about in puddles like a child, she followed suit, it was the opposite of the normal Natasha Romanoff, but she had let her guard down, so she might as well enjoy it. They continued splashing and laughing for another ten minutes until they agreed they should head inside, after all Natasha hated being cold, but she didn't feel cold then she felt…clean.

**LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK**

The next morning Natasha entered the kitchen smiling, remembering the rain from last night, no-one commented on her mood but they were all relieved if a little confused as to why she was happy but they didn't care, she was ok. Tony was the first to speak up

"Did you hear the rain last night, it was terrible wasn't it, glad I wasn't outside" to his surprise both Thor and Natasha laughed at his comment. The others just stared at them confused at their sudden outburst. When Natasha stood up to leave she whispered

"Thank you" to Thor, who just gave her a toothy smile in return, and replied with

"Anytime Lady Natasha" she left after that, leaving the others staring at the god of thunder in confusion and admiration he just nodded at them before he left.

Natasha slept soundly that night as the rain fell gently outside.

**Please review…do you want this to be a clintasha story or something else? Which character next, Bruce, Pepper, Clint or Steve? **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Peppers turn…please review I really love it when you do, makes me wanna keep writing! If you want any particular scenes or ideas put into this fic just tell me…like do you want action or fluff?**

Pepper Potts walked briskly across the lobby of Avengers Tower, her shoes clacking against the cold marble floor, she was irritated beyond belief by Tony's antics he had promised to attend a board meeting but then not turned up and left her to pick up the pieces. Sure she was CEO of Stark industries but he still needed to attend meetings occasionally, it's not like she asked loads, only once a month.

As Pepper entered the elevator she could only think about one thing. Wine. Pepper wasn't a big drinker but after a day like today she needed it and any wise ass comment from Tony and she would kill him, happily. So to say she was relieved when the elevator doors opened to the main living area and revealed the red headed spy, alone, was an understatement.

Although you would not guess it Natasha and Pepper had a very strong relationship because believe it or not, Pepper didn't have many friends. It wasn't that she was a mean person she just didn't have the time or energy to socialise, so it was safe to say Natasha was her only girl friend.

Natasha liked the good natured CEO and decided she would make an effort to make it up to her after lying to her face about who she was when she had pretended to be Tony's assistant. This in return had shocked Pepper when one morning Natasha brought some coffee up to her and offered her an apology. Pepper had quickly realised after living with the avengers for three days that she would need another female friend to keep her sane; apparently Natasha felt the same way so she excepted the coffee and apology graciously and that was that, friends.

"Hey Pepper you look stressed" Natasha greeted as Pepper smiled at her, still tense though

"Tony didn't turn up to his damn meeting today, once, I only ask him once a fricking month you'd think he'd have the decency to at least call, but no the bastard won't even do that!" Natasha just laughed, but before she could reply Pepper carried on her tone softer this time "Have you eaten yet today Nat?"

"Hmm…no I don't think I have but don't make a big deal I'm just not that hungry" the spy assassin was honestly touched that Pepper knew that, she hadn't even been here for the day, Natasha was sure that none of the guys noticed, except Clint but he was busy in the archery room now anyway.

"Well I am going to get out of this suit and if you don't mind I would love to just sit in here and enjoy the calm" Pepper asked, knowing not to pressure Natasha because although she would never physically hurt her like she would the men, it didn't mean she wouldn't cut herself off from her, besides that would hurt just as much.

"Honestly I would love that" Natasha replied quietly as Pepper noticed the sadness in the assassins eyes, she thought she was the only one who had heard her screaming again last night, but she knew she was definitely the only one who had opened Natasha's door a bit, ready to comfort her but instead seen her crying, curled up, looking like she was holding herself together, barely.

Pepper already felt slightly more relaxed after her short conversation with Natasha, despite her fiery attitude Natasha had a very calming presence, which Bruce loved as well, aside from Pepper she was the only who could calm Tony down when he got riled up. And Pepper knew Nat was the only one who could calm Thor, Clint and Bruce, yes Bruce down and stop him from hulking out.

"Nat," Pepper shouted down towards the living room "I'm just taking a bath; I'll join you in a sec!"

"Okay, remember to relax Pepper" the spy reminded her. Natasha sunk back into the couch deep in thought. This is where she had fallen asleep with Tony, she had felt so much better for a while after that, but it soon went. Then she had had that night in the rain with Thor that too had made her feel so much better but only lasted a few days, why wouldn't it last longer she contemplated, then it clicked. She wasn't meant to be happy. Another rule just like the Black Widow can't cry. There were always exceptions though, like how when she had cried last night she wasn't the Black Widow she was Natasha.

Her mind was trapped going in these pointless endless circles, it was ironic. The Black Widow was a spider, the one who trapped her prey before creeping up and sinking its fangs deep into its flesh, now she was trapped, tangled in her own web waiting for something to creep up and end it, she didn't want that at all, but once you're in the web, you're stuck and she was pretty sure it was the only way out.

Suddenly she heard five pairs of feet parading up the stairs, shouting and yelling accompanying them. The door flew open and Tony stumbled in closely followed by the other guys, still making a racket, it was lucky they didn't have close neighbours. The couch tipped heavily as Thor and Steve both sat down heavily on the other end, sending Natasha sprawling on their laps, her weight was no match for theirs. Clint was turning on the TV sending the volume up way higher than necessary, Bruce just sat in a recliner smiling apologetically at Natasha as she attempted to get up, but Thor had thought she was giving them a hug and was squeezing the life out of her, Tony was just singing at the top of his voice to absolutely no music, just liking the sound of his own voice.

The calm had disappeared.

"Thor" Natasha shouted trying to be heard over the TV and Tony "I wasn't trying to hug you!" apparently the god could not hear her as Steve proceeded to repeat what she said in his ear while trying to break his grip, hiding his own smirk. Eventually Thor let go and Natasha sprung up glaring at him, he was of course oblivious.

Clint decided that was the appropriate time to turn down the TV and start talking "We're going to watch the football game Nat; we can go somewhere else if you want, but we figured it could be good team bonding"

"Yeah, we didn't mean to interrupt your peace Natasha" Steve added still feeling slightly guilty about Thor's bear hug, Bruce just nodded.

"No, it's ok err have fun I guess, I'll see you all later" she smiled heading towards the door, still shocked by the sudden amount of noise and chaos. Her path was blocked though by Tony as he shook his head grinning like a mad man

"Nuh-uh you're watching the game with us" he then grabbed her hand and pulled her back towards the others, she knew she could get him to let go but all the energy had drained out of her, maybe she should have eaten earlier. He deposited her in between Thor and Steve who were both poised ready to grab her if she made a run for it. She looked up at Clint silently begging to get her out of this. He just shook his head, he knew she hadn't eaten today and didn't want her to leave as he hadn't seen much of her today; she scowled, turning her attention on Bruce. He looked guilty and whispered

"I tried to talk them out of it; I did text you a warning but you obviously didn't notice, sorry" he explained. This was the last place Natasha wanted to be, she knew today she needed peace and quiet this was the opposite. Just as she gave up hope of escaping Pepper walked back in, Tony froze the others noticing his posture turned to stare, they too froze. This was her chance she turned and faced Pepper and mouthed _Help! _Any remains of energy had left her now, Pepper noticed she took a deep breath and began

"Tony Stark how dare you even show your face right now, let alone make all this noise and annoy Natasha. Out now all of you!" they were frozen with shock and also fear. Under no circumstances was Pepper going to lose her chance of helping her friend "Go out, I don't care where you go or for long but all of you leave, either go to bed quietly or leave it's up to you" her voice now a deadly calm. The guys complied all leaving the room Bruce and Clint glancing back over their shoulders giving Natasha small smiles. The elevator closed behind them.

"Thank you Pepper" Natasha relaxed falling into the plush couch. "I just couldn't have handled that today" she added seeing the now calmer and happier Pepper Potts. Pepper headed towards the kitchen putting some bread in the toaster and pouring herself a glass of wine and passing Natasha some too.

"Anytime Nat, you know that, come on let's have some toast" she coaxed Natasha followed, feeling lighter after taking a bite. The night continued on the two women enjoyed each other's company.

"You know Pepper; you've helped me as much as Tony and Thor did a while ago, because although with them I explained some of my past, with you I haven't, we've just had fun and you know what, I forgot about it all, so thank you, for being here" Natasha spoke softly knowing she could fully trust the woman sitting on the couch next to her. Peppers eyes filled with tears at hearing this

"Natasha whenever you want to talk, or forget stuff, whatever it is, I will be here, you know that right?" she asked

"I do now Pepper" Natasha answered her face much more relaxed and bright, she was grinning again, "Anyway I should probably get to bed, but we really should do this again" she added rising gracefully

"Definitely, the two girls have got to look out for each other right? Sleep well Natasha, just call me if you ever want to talk even if it is in the middle of the night, I'll always come" Natasha realised then that Pepper had seen her last night, giving her a parting smile she headed into her bedroom.

She felt free. At first she couldn't really understand why, but then she did. Pepper had freed her from her own web and in doing so had given Natasha the chance to be happy again. She grabbed it with both hands, relishing in it while it lasted.

**Please review…who next Bruce, Steve or Clint? Oh and this will be a Clintasha fic but only when it's Clint's turn **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Steve's turn now, this is going to be a clintasha fic, but Clint is going last, so if you want me to continue it will be Bruce next. Please review. Thanks **

Natasha opened her eyes, consciousness slowly returning, slowly, she hadn't fallen asleep till about 4am last night it was now 8am, but why did she have such a bad feeling about today, and then realisation hit her. She remembered what she had heard on the news last night, oh god no, was all she could think as she leapt out of bed towards her window, pulling back the curtains jerkily, panic gripped her by the throat as she peered out over the street below.

It had snowed. When she had heard the news of a snow storm coming last night on the TV she had immediately gone to the gym to keep her shaking hands busy, Clint had come down to comfort her and tell her he would be right by her side the whole time. It relaxed her she needed him watching her back, he always did.

This was why she was surprised when he hadn't come to check on her like he promised when she woke up. As she turned to face the door, intending to go and see him and probably shout at him, she noticed the note on her bedside table. It read

_Nat, _

_Fury called me out on a last minute mission to Alaska, I will be back tonight, I am so sorry it had to be today of all days, just remember I've still got your back and even though I'm not there I've left something to help keep you warm. I love you. _

_Clint x _

Her heart sank as she realised she was alone, she was isolated, separated from him. She glanced around noticing the dark blue hoodie that was his favourite he always took it with him on cold missions, but he left it here for her, she slipped it around her shoulders breathing in the scent. She shook her head of thoughts of Clint she needed to forget him today, she had his hoodie that was all she was going to get.

She was still cold.

Steve sat in the kitchen hiding his emotions and doing a damn well good job. He was frightened, well as frightened as a super soldier can get. The thing is Steve didn't like the cold I mean he has a good reason, he was stuck in ice for 70 years, he tried to avoid being cold when he could, but he knew today it was going to be difficult seeing as there was a thick layer of ice and snow waiting for him outside, so much for his jog this morning.

He sat opposite Tony who couldn't stop smiling, he was like a child. You could feel the energy practically beaming off of Thor, even Bruce seemed happy but he had mentioned that was only because he liked the way the snow looked not how it felt. So when Natasha walked into the kitchen wearing Clint's hoodie and smiled, unlike the others who accepted the smile he didn't because he knew that smile it was fake. How did he know? He had been giving it all morning.

Natasha entered the kitchen, Clint wasn't here to watch her back or cover for her, so today she had to pretend to be happy, at least until he got back. Stretching that smile across her face had been hard but keeping it there felt nearly impossible. The others thankfully were so absorbed with the fact that it snowed they didn't notice it was fake. Steve though did, once the other guys had gone back to whatever the hell they were doing before she caught Steve's eye who did something unexpected.

He didn't smile. Steve always smiled especially at Natasha who he constantly wanted to cheer up. At first she didn't realise what he was doing but then it clicked, he wasn't happy either he knew she was lying, he was showing her he felt the same way, she didn't think anyone would notice, that's probably why she let the smile drop and stared right back. He nodded showing he understood and then turned his attention back to his food, while Natasha wandered over to the windows that were the walls staring down on the city below, she hated the fact that the snow made everything look so clean when it wasn't. That wasn't the only reason she hated it.

"So everyone, sadly bird brain got called out on a mission, but who wants to hit the town and enjoy the snow anyway?" Tony announced capturing everyone's attention including Peppers as she just walked into the room. Thor and Bruce both agreed readily and Tony didn't even wait for Natasha's answer knowing it would be a no, so instead he simply said

"Afraid you don't have a choice little red, you are coming with us even if I have to carry you the whole way" Natasha gave him a look that would have made any other man cry. Steve was the only one who had noticed Natasha didn't just want to avoid them but she was actually afraid, so what he did next was stupid and he knew he would regret it but nonetheless he said

"I'm in too" of course no-one except Natasha realised he didn't like the cold either so they excepted this easily all of them heading out the kitchen to get ready, it left Natasha and Steve alone.

"Why did you..?" she began quietly looking him straight in the eye

"Nat you might have fooled them but you didn't fool me, I'm not going to make you do this alone, we can support each other ok" he replied holding her stare, he seen an emotion flash across her face a mixture of fear, gratitude and relief. She just nodded and went to get dressed.

Everyone met back in the lobby once they were ready for the day, Steve was last he headed straight towards Natasha who looked shocked he had turned up, this upset Steve, she didn't fully trust him, yet.

"Okay dokay" Tony began grinning like a mad man "shall we head off then" he didn't even wait for their answers, he grabbed Peppers hand and pulled her out the door, Bruce and Thor followed, Bruce valiantly trying to explain snow to Thor who just didn't get it. Steve and Natasha hung back shouting they would catch them up

Neither moved.

"Well I suppose we better get going then…" Natasha suggested, Steve noted the quiver in her voice.

"Yes we should I guess" he replied.

Neither moved.

"Why don't we explain to each other why we hate the snow then?" Steve added slowly walking towards the door, Natasha kept pace with him.

"Ok yeah, you go first" she said as they reached the door. Cautiously pushing it open and steeping out in sync. The cold hit them like a wall, all warmth left Natasha's body she turned to run back inside, but before she could Steve grabbed her wrist pulling her close to his chest. At first she thought it was just a ploy to get her to stay but then she realised, he needed this as much as she did. She wrapped her small arms around his waist, warmth returned to them both slightly enough to start walking forwards.

"Well, my reasons pretty obvious I was stuck in ice, in the cold for seventy years; it's hard to like something after that. I guess it's because when I crashed that plane I expected to die, but I didn't I was trapped instead, it wouldn't let me go" he explained relieved to say what he said. He glanced down at Natasha who thankfully hadn't tried to make him feel better or just show him pity; instead she proved she did trust him.

"I never liked the cold since in the Red Room it was never warm there, ever." Steve knew about the Red Room and what happened there after reading her file, the thoughts always made him angry "but I hate the snow because one day they told me to kill a girl in our division who wasn't up to standard, that girl was my friend so I refused. They beat me up, badly, really badly, there was so much pain and blood, god so much blood. They tossed me outside, the night before it had snowed, I lay there waiting to die, watching the blood, my blood, seep deeper into it. I was dragged back in when I was on the brink of death; I was too valuable to die in the snow but I wanted to" this time she glanced up at Steve who didn't react straight away.

Steve was seeing red, how can people sink so low, it's disgusting he thought. He realised then that Natasha needed him so he wrapped his muscular arm around her waist and whispered

"How old were you Nat?"

"11" was her simple reply, he wanted to hit some things, hurt those people, but he reminded himself sharply that was not an option so instead he stopped walking and turned her to face him and said, his voice strong and determined

"Those people will never do that to you again Nat I promise you. I will keep you warm, the others will too, you aren't alone" he repeated for the second time that day, suddenly she smiled and leant in to hug him and answered

"That's exactly what I needed to hear." He didn't regret his decision to come out now.

Unnoticed by the assassin and the soldier, Tony, Pepper, Bruce and Thor all watched from a distance realization dawned on them all at the same time. Steve and Natasha were afraid to come out, not that they didn't want to; suddenly they all felt pretty guilty and decided to make it up to them. To their shock though when the two missing members reached them they were both smiling and laughing, Steve had helped fix Natasha and no doubt she had fixed him too.

Later that evening Steve and Natasha lay on the couch together, while Thor sat on the floor, Bruce and Pepper each in a recliner and Tony on another couch. The latter had allowed Natasha to turn the temperature up, she understood his hidden message, _I'm sorry_. She just smiled a genuine smile at him and headed back to Steve with two hot chocolates.

Clint returned to a cosy living room, with Natasha lying next to Steve both asleep peacefully, his hoodie still covering her. He looked towards the others for an explanation, not expecting this at all. He must remember to thank Steve tomorrow, for keeping Natasha safe and warm when he couldn't.

**Please review…very much appreciated! **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Heads up, I personally don't really like this chapter but please review and give me your opinion it will be much appreciated! Bruce's turn!**

Natasha watched her teammates as they went about their daily business. It was a pretty normal day, well, normal for the avengers anyway. Bruce and Tony were discussing modifications on the iron man suit, only blue prints though, because Tony's lab was currently being re-built seeing as he blew it up earlier that morning. Clint was valiantly trying to explain how to use a cell phone to Steve, who could not get past the fact that you didn't need an actual key to unlock the screen, Natasha guessed it would be another ten minutes before Clint snapped. Thor was…well actually Natasha didn't know where he was, he went back to Asgard earlier that month, he should be back at some point in the week though. Pepper was at Stark Industries attending a "very important business meeting Tony should attend but he's too much of an ass to go" meeting, at least she got out the tower Natasha thought bitterly.

Lately she had been feeling separated from the rest of the team, and she was sure none of them even noticed her pulling away slowly. She was wrong, they had noticed, and it concerned them very much, but they all agreed they couldn't do anything about it because whenever they tried she pushed them away further. Clint said he would talk to her if things went any further; this satisfied the others enough, but not Bruce. He thought that Natasha felt isolated by them and he knew leaving it wouldn't help but only make things worse and Clint talking to her wouldn't do much either. He kept forming plans but none where any good. He was at a loss.

Alarms started ringing throughout the floor, shocking everyone into silence. All at once Natasha, Clint and Steve sprinted back to their bedrooms to suit up, Tony just suited up using Jarvis while Bruce awkwardly waited to the side, he didn't have a suit, he had a hulk. They re-assembled on the waiting quinjet on the outside platform, Fury was already on board explaining the situation

"There is a hoard of evil robots terrorizing a small section of the city, you need to destroy them all but remember as soon as you do enough damage they will explode so be careful, Bruce you will be needed on this one. We could use Thor too, hopefully he'll realise what's going on but I doubt it, good luck avengers" he explained not waiting for any questions as the door opened revealing about 200 robots running around blowing stuff up. Great.

Tony flew off first Steve following him closely. Clint ran off in the opposite direction, which left Bruce and Natasha.

"Ready for this?" she asked him preparing her widow bites and staring straight out into the street

"Yeah I guess, are you?" he replied, she didn't answer just ran off in the same direction as Clint. Bruce just sighed and decided now was a good time to get angry.

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

Natasha sat in her room rethinking the events of the battle, she couldn't understand why he did it. She thought back again…

Near the end of the fight Natasha had successfully killed most of her robots with only three remaining she used one to kick off and hit the other, she quickly destroyed them both, before sprinting out the way so she would be safe when they exploded. As she ran something grabbed her leg and pulled her down, it was the third robot, it held her down as it raised its blade to stab her in the throat, just as it plunged its arm down a massive green shape landed right next to them and viciously pulled it off her and stamped on its head, she was still in shock to move therefore forgetting about the exploding part. Just as it blew up the hulk pulled her into his arms and covered her body with his own, although nothing like that could kill the hulk, if something hit him in the right place it could do some damage. Once he let go, Natasha just stared at him before muttering

"Thanks" he then wandered away to change back into Bruce Banner. Natasha just stood there until Clint ran up to her asking if she was ok…

Why would Bruce do something like that? She just couldn't figure it out, she wasn't part of team really, she was just there because no-one would admit they didn't want her. She could understand if he protected one of the others, but her, it was just weird. She glanced at the clock realising it was 1am she tried to sleep, and succeeded, until she woke up an hour and a half later shaking and unable to control her breathing.

She had dreamt about being tortured, things they used to do to her in the Red Room she had screamed for the guys to help her, but it was like they couldn't hear her or they just ignored her. She had watched her arms slowly turn red, her blood mixing with all those people she had killed, innocent people. That's when she shot awake, staring at the clock, 2:30am, she had slinked out into the hallway, her breathing still erratic and laboured.

When she reached the kitchen she hadn't expected anyone to be awake, so when Bruce asked her why she was up she nearly shot him in the head, nearly.

"Oh err bad dream really" she replied still unsure around him, she tried to act calm and collected but couldn't because of her damn breathing, she suddenly thought maybe she was dying until Bruce asked

"…Nat are you having a panic attack?" concern laced all his words

"I…think so…I'm…I'm not…sure" she gasped leaning on the counter. Bruce grabbed her arm and held her chin so she looked him in the eyes

"Nat look breath with me. Inhale" she copied him "and exhale" they repeated this several times until she had calmed down. "Have you ever had honey tea before?" Bruce asked her randomly changing the subject

"No why?" she had answered still confused

"Good, it'll be your first time then" he said happily pouring out two cups of tea and adding some honey. She just watched him wondering if he had gone slightly crazy. That is until she tasted it, it soothed her enough to stop her shaking and the warmth and sweetness felt comforting sliding down her throat.

"So Nat you seem stressed, why?" Bruce said this straight out but his tone was gentle

"I dunno really. When the hulk saved me earlier today it confused me and I was already stressed but everybody was being so loud and annoying so I went to my room to get away, I felt trapped but still fell asleep, but then had a nightmare and a panic attack." She sighed, obviously fed up with all of it.

"You sound like you don't have anywhere peaceful to go" Bruce summed up, slightly shocked she had opened up to him, he didn't show it though.

"Yeah I guess" she confirmed. Bruce stood up and beckoned for her to follow him; she did still drinking her tea.

There was an unwritten rule in Avengers tower no-one goes into Bruce's lab unless he invited you or there's an emergency, it was his peaceful place and everyone understood that and gave him space in there, even Tony. So when he led Natasha down there she nearly refused but listened when he said

"You might not turn into a giant green rage monster when you're stressed, but I reckon you need somewhere to calm down just as much as I do, so my lab is now yours too" he grinned at her shocked expression until she said

"No Bruce, there is no way I am ruining your little slice of heaven, I'm not stupid I know nobody really wants me here" his eyes were wide, he had not expected that.

"Why wouldn't we want you here Natasha?" he asked confused and upset now

"Because I'm a monster Bruce that is all I am! That's me; I will never be able to wipe out that red in my ledger…I'm a monster" she finished quietly, a dramatic change from her shouting before.

"I'm not going to try and persuade you that you're not, because nothing is ever going to be enough to prove that to you. So don't persuade me I'm not when I say I'm the same as you. A giant green one. Neither of us will be able to wipe the red out of our ledger, but Nat us monsters we've got to stick together" a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. He took this as a good sign and pulled her inside the lab.

Calming. There was no other word for it, it was of course filled with science equipment but there was a corner with a massive soft couch and a lamp, with a few blankets. She wandered over and tested the couch, and she smiled.

"Right then" Bruce commanded while clearing one of the tables by the couch "Your space" he gestured to the couch and table. "I don't test with dangerous substances, Tony does that, no, I research and write down stuff in here so it's nice and quiet. Jarvis" he carried on now addressing the ceiling "please give Miss Romanoff full access to this lab whenever she wants it's now partly hers anyway"

"Bruce…thank you, seriously, this is amazing, just what I needed" he just smiled at her.

Within a week Natasha had made her half of the small lab her own, by piling her books next to her couch and in any available space she was content. The others noticed she had started including herself with them more, and seemed much more relaxed, none of them knew why until they realised where she had been disappearing to. Once they figured it out they left Bruce and Natasha alone to work and relax each of them smiling to themselves as they realised, she needed to isolate herself from them a bit in order to get closer to them.

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE AVENGER ASSEMBLE**

On their next mission Natasha ended up falling from the top of a high business tower, none of the avengers realised she was falling; they were too busy fighting as the aliens attacked. Natasha shut her eyes tightly, preparing herself for the hard ground that she was inevitably going to hit.

3…2…1…

But she didn't hit the ground instead something big and green caught her, placing her gently on the ground, she grinned at him nodding her thanks and as she turned she heard him mutter

"I will always catch my spider"

**Sorry if you didn't like it, I struggled with writing it. Please review…. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Hello Clint's chapter, I know Clint and Natasha are both kind of out of character but I think it suits them, please review should this be the last chapter, what do you think? Any requests? Reviews will be much appreciated…..**

_The fire crept closer, lapping at her feet. It was rising, nearer to her. She couldn't escape, she was trapped, suddenly someone stepped out of the flames. Clint. He would save her he promised he always would. The fire slunk backwards as he kept it at bay. He was protecting her, he always did. They stood in the middle of the burning room, where was she? Avengers Tower, but it was slowly being destroyed. Clint held her against him, he leant down to kiss her she met him halfway, she was safe. She opened her eyes as they continued the kiss, pure ice blue eyes were staring straight at her in place of Clint's normal calming deep blue. She was pushed to the ground as Clint vanished straight in front of her, the flames grew closer now. She yelled his name again and again but she could just hear his laugh but it was cruel, mocking her, she could feel the tender kisses he placed around her neck, she couldn't see him. The flames engulfed her. Her vision faded black just as Clint reappeared his eyes still ice blue, he just whispered _

"_You're all alone Natalia, all alone" _

Natasha lay perfectly still in her empty room, the same dream still attacked her every night, she was alone, that's what Clint had told her, so she needed to find someone, but there was no-one, that was the problem. It was her own fault really, she brought it upon herself. Who was she? Natasha? Natalia? The Black Widow? She needs to get out, she decided, as she leapt up to pull on some proper clothes and a jacket.

As she entered the Avengers living room, she noticed they were all sitting around, talking, laughing, joking. Screw them she thought bitterly as she headed towards the door, hoping to not get noticed. But the hawk was there and he never missed anything

"Tasha where you headed?" curiosity hidden in his words mixed with concern

"Out, Barton" she answered sharply, Clint's shoulders tensed as he rose slowly, while Thor and Bruce shared confused glances, Tony just stared and Steve watched intently ready to take action if need be.

"Nat…" Clint continued standing fully, his voice calming and gentle but there were undertones of panic "Just stay, yeah? Or I could come with you, sounds good right?"

"Fuck off and leave me alone" she snapped back her words low and dangerous. At this point the other guys were on their feet, before anyone could say anything; Natasha was already heading down the stairs three at a time. Once she had gone everyone turned to Clint for an explanation

"Shit" Clint murmured "No, Nat why'd you have to do this now, I thought you were getting better?" The guys looked slightly panicked until Tony spoke his voice serious for once

"Clint what the hell is going on?"

"Well…I reckon ever since the whole Loki thing, she hasn't trusted me as much, but never gone as far to call me Barton, she stopped that after a year of working together, when she first fully trusted me. When we have a really bad mission she says she's 'going out' but she doesn't come back for days, sometimes looking refreshed and relaxed but sometimes half dead."

"Well we must find the maiden at once" Thor announced his voice shocking everyone to their senses.

"Thor's right, the further she gets the harder she will be to find" Steve agreed, this had turned into a very serious night, the calm mood destroyed.

"I don't know" Bruce interrupted "maybe we should let her do whatever she does and come back when she's ready"

"What if she doesn't come back?" Tony asked from the corner of the couch, it was strange to see him so serious.

"Sir, Miss Romanoff asked me to tell you all she was going into Shield and to stop talking about her" Jarvis added. After another ten minute discussion they decided to let Natasha to do whatever she needed to do and if she wasn't back by tomorrow evening they would go and find her. Needless to say no-one slept that night.

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE AVENGERS ASSEMBLE **

Don't ask how, but Natasha ended up on the ground outside a bar in Brooklyn, she had a pounding headache and when she tried to stand up she ended up being sick in the alley behind her. She thought back to why she had left the tower in the first place, and then it hit her, Clint, Loki, the nightmare. Time to make a decision she thought sadly, return and talk it through with Clint or see how far she could get before they found her. She decided and rose to her feet, fighting back the urge to be sick, she hailed a cab and shut her eyes on the journey back to Avengers Tower.

When the elevator arrived on the top floor off the tower, Natasha stumbled out admittedly not gracefully but somebody caught her before she hit the floor, she couldn't tell the difference between the person holding her and the other checking her pulse.

"It's ok" Bruce murmured to Clint "she must have drank a lot last night, let's take her to bed she obviously just needs to sleep this off" Clint just nodded, stroking back a lock of her hair falling in her eyes, as he gently held her to his chest.

Time passed quickly then slowly it was all very disorientating for Natasha, god how much did I drink last night she thought, thankfully hangovers never lasted long for her and she began to recover fairly soon. Her door slid open and Clint slipped in. He looked down at the confused red head and knelt down by her side,

"Natasha if you want me to leave, just say so but first just let me say something to you, ok?" he asked her, keeping his voice low, she didn't protest so he carried on keeping eye contact with her the whole time "I will never purposely hurt you, ever, and no matter what happens, god damn it Natasha I will tried my fucking very best to keep you safe even if that means killing myself, because Nat I would do it in a heartbeat for you. The thought that I tried" he choked up a little "…that I tried to kill you, I can't forget it, and I never will be able to, because if I ever hurt you Nat my life would be over, because without you I am dead" she didn't react, she just shut her eyes.

Clint rose, he was shaking, tears were falling down his face, he left the room silently. He went back into the living room where he sat heavily on the couch he usually shared with Natasha and he lost it, nobody knew what to do. Whenever anyone tried to go near him he would just glare and move away his shoulders shaking, chest heaving, no-one could get through to him.

Natasha opened her eyes to see that Clint had left, did he mean what he said she wondered. She had heard the raw emotion in his voice and felt some tears roll onto her arm. She pulled off the covers and crept towards the door still unsure, until she heard him crying, she knew then.

Clint looked up as Natasha slowly walked towards him as if calculating the best way to do it, so he decided to make it easy for her, he stood up carefully, no sudden movements. He held a hand out, he noticed in the back of his mind he was shaking, she stepped closer to him. She grabbed his large hand with her own delicate one, gently he pulled her closer, they repeated this for a while until she had reached his chest. Thor, Bruce, Steve, Tony and Pepper all watched silently as the hawk fixed his spider.

Natasha was resting her head on his chest listening to his heartbeat, it was soothing her, he led her back to the couch, where she ended up curled up in his lap. The others left all waiting in the kitchen not wanting to be too far away.

"Clint…" Natasha whispered "Who am I?" without missing a beat he answered

"Natasha Romanoff" she realised her dream Clint had called her Natalia, this Clint knew she hated her old name

"In my dream…you left me to burn, you called me Natalia and said I was alone. And the thing is you did leave me, you promised, you swore, you never would but you did, you tried to kill me!" Her voice was growing louder she was scared, nervous.

"Nat ignore the dream" he instructed calmly "I'm real, this is the real Clint, and under no circumstances are you alone, because whether you like it or not you're stuck with me, and I have no intentions of giving you up. Just because I'm not physically with you doesn't mean you're alone" he lifted the sleeve of her jumper "look on your wrist, the tattoo, the hawk, that's me protecting you and look I have one of my spider, you Natasha, we protect each other always and forever"

She locked her eyes onto his, but he wasn't done speaking yet

"And if you're still worried about the Loki thing, then look into my eyes Nat, you will never forget that colour of blue, see what colour they are, they're a deep blue, I'm your Clint nobody else's" Natasha quickly squeezed her eyes shut "Nat…" Clint began confused, was she too frightened of him to look?

"Clint I don't need to look, I know you're back now and you're not going anywhere, I don't need to see the colour of your eyes to know you'll never hurt me, because I trust you and Ты мой Ястреб (you are my hawk) and I love you" she said the last part quietly, so quiet he almost missed it

"You're my life Nat, I love you too" they didn't need any other words, they just sat together enjoying the feel of each other's heartbeats, until she drifted off to sleep while he hummed soft lullaby's into her ear.

They stayed there all day, she slept the whole time, Clint refused to move in case he woke her up. Afterwards Clint moved his things into Natasha's room nobody made a comment except Tony who just waggled his eyebrows.

No-one ever heard Natasha scream in her sleep again, because when the hawk was with his spider nothing could touch her, but the other avengers stayed to make sure.

**Should I end it here? Review please….**


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